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Ditinta

— Summary: Ana has begun writing again. Her first project is an anthology of short mysteries that involves a young female security guard.—

It is the concise nature of the short story that always draws me in especially if it involves strange events or ends with a cliffhanger. The best is when it leaves me staring blankly, whispering, “What just happened?” Its limited format always forces me to imagine so much more. That is why I am starting the mysteries rolling with what I know first. That is, writing short stories.

However, unlike last time, the short stories will be put together into an anthology. My very first mystery anthology. Yes, I am excited about it!

So what is it about? The anthology consists of short mysteries involving a young female security guard on her first week on the job. It is also her first time working on the night shift. Yet instead of meeting her senior who is to teach her the routes, she is only guided by him through her walkie-talkie. And so, begins her nightly adventures at a women’s hostel, thus aptly codenaming this book project as “Project Guard”.

I am still at the Outline stage of the project. Still figuring things out and learning as I go. I might even change the whole premise! Truthfully, I am nervous and anxious about it because this is it. For the first time, I am truly writing for you, Teman. It is like the excitement yet apprehension of meeting a very precious friend after a long time apart. I want to make a good impression with a great gift, you see.

"Will you like it?" I wonder. Yes, I am feeling pressured to write this well.

“Project Guard” is actually inspired by my own personal experience living in a hostel. Back in the day, I usually had my door open when the nights were too warm. Once, while I was studying late, a security guard patrolled down the corridor. There had been several cases of thefts back then. He was making sure nothing happened. Yeah, in real life, nothing much happened.

He passed my open door. I greeted him then. “Good job, sir.”

“Thank you. Study hard. Selamat malam.” He nodded politely.

He was an elderly gentleman. So no, there was no romantic tension. But I did wonder then if he had experienced any strange sightings while on his night shift. And so, my overactive imagination prompted this anthology years later.

In the previous years, I had published my short stories like small gifts for you on Ditinta. It was a fun learning experience. Thank you so much, Teman, if you have enjoyed them here. But now, for a more enjoyable reading experience, I feel it is best to share my first anthology with you in an ebook format. I hope you will look forward to it.

I will keep you updated on Project Guard’s progress. And while you wait for its official book release, I hope you will continue to enjoy reading Ditinta with its many upcoming posts.
Ana Asks
So are we ready for this, Teman? What is the first thing that comes to your mind about the anthology? Share with me below.
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— Summary: Ana thinks it’s TMI but she still shares with you her writing space and her feelings that come with it. —

I write in a windowless store room. Its door has been removed for ventilation. The doorway is covered only by a piece of batik which is often pulled halfway down when privacy is needed. Truly a flimsy piece of barrier between my inner world and real life outside. I read, write and “socialise” in this tiny writing space. Within these four walls is where I hope the Ditinta Universe will flourish.

“That sounds weird. I’m going to look weird. Should I even share such details? It’s TMI, isn’t it?” Sometimes, I worry a lot.

Yes, I feel very vulnerable right now sharing such details with you, Teman. In real-life, I am a very private and quiet person. But I hope to connect better with you, Teman. A good enough reason for me to show you my sacred lair today. Below is the actual room which is originally a storage room, quite common in any HDB flat. Nobody uses it to live in. It is a small humbling space with only the bare essentials for an unknown writer like me. And, yes, it does get very warm in the afternoons. Singapore is a tropical island after all.


However, it was not such a humbling space for me in the past. Back then, I had a very "me” ego where I would write whatever stories I please. So what if the readers did not like them? So what if my stories did not make sense? It was good enough that I wrote and published it on Ditinta.

I was a writer, fanning my own ego.

It became a very lonely experience afterwards. Writing in this tiny room became suffocating. And soon, my selfish, ignorant self could not be inspired to write. I blamed this tiny space for my writer’s block. I needed a bigger room, one filled with books, a good computer with a good mechanical keyboard and many other things. Excuses after excuses because I was feeling lonely as a writer.

However, since last year, as things happened, as I changed my self-perspective, my writer’s ego shifted as well. Now, I approach this precious space with humility.

I have to make do with what I have first.

Even as I am still alone as I write, I am no longer lonely. To be a good writer, I must respect my readers. Now, I enter this room with you in my mind and heart, Teman. The thought of you waiting for me on the other side motivates me now. Within these four walls, I must keep writing until I reach “The End”. Here, I embrace my identity again as a writer.

And I humbly welcome you to our quaint little wonderland, this tiny writing space and Ditinta. Yes, it belongs to you too, Teman. To the both of us. Because it takes two for stories to flow.
Ana Asks
Are you ready to enter the many strange worlds I will create? Do you also have your own tiny private spaces at home too? Share with me below.




P.S.
It's the Chinese New Year's holidays today and tomorrow in Singapore. I wish Happy Holidays to Teman who are celebrating the festivities. 🧧🐯 Enjoy your delicious pineapple tarts and love letters! Eat well, take care and stay safe, Teman!
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— Summary: Ana finds her way back, giving it her all and choosing a genre for 2022. In other words, a sincere apology to Teman for the considerable hiatus. —


The break from the last blog entry was supposed to last only a few weeks.

It lasted three years.

It is 2022 now. This is my first post after three years of silence. Hello, Teman, brilliant readers of Ditinta. Do you even remember me? Did you even know me in the first place?

There were plenty of false restarts in 2019. So 2020 should be a good year for a fresh new beginning. But, alas, we all know what happened then. Despite being a true introvert, in every sense of the word, the social isolation damaged my mental health. I could not write or read. Nor did I feel alive. I had lost my sense of self. But then, I had already lost it a long time ago.

Still, I am apologetic mostly to you. I had forgotten that in writing, there is someone else on the other side too. I am sorry, Teman, for the years of silence.
 

Finding My Way Back
Despite my downward spiral to non-existence back in 2020, I had not deleted Ditinta.com. A minute part of me had been adamant about writing even when I had no sense of direction with it. And even when I had not even dared to read back past stories on Ditinta, that tiny part had stopped me from deleting them. She needed them as reminders. That is, even as I was lost, these short stories were still mine. Without a doubt, I am a writer.

So I can no longer ignore that tiny yet stubborn voice within me. A mere whisper but its persistence has rekindled my passion for Literature. It was a good thing Ditinta.com had remained because I found my way back home.

And I truly want to write for you, Teman.
 

Giving It My All
Back in 2018, I had started Ditinta with the mindset that I would like to do this for life. This is not just a career but rather, a lifestyle. Being a writer is my identity. Ironically, though, I was already at the lowest point of my life. I saw no future for myself. I decided instead to just write and see where it led. However, being at such a low point, I could hardly see much. I sowed my own seeds of doubts, leading to those years of silence.

But something happened. I still cannot understand it myself.

In October 2020, without rhyme or reason, I decided to lose weight. It may seem like it had nothing to do with writing. Indeed, I was already nothing at that point, a walking obese corpse. Yet, like writing, I wanted to see where it led. As I lost the physical weight, I became more aware of the psychological weight. That part had been deeply affecting me as a writer, as a person. It was a heavy weight of past emotional traumas from decades of living someone else’s dreams. It has sadly shaped me into a doubtful, anxious person that I am today.

However, that awareness alone has made me hold on to my writing dream with desperation. It gave me a sense of urgency. I cannot delay anymore or else this tiny sliver of hope will fade away. So from 2022 onwards, I promise to give my all to my writing.

And to myself.

Now as I start believing in myself wholeheartedly, will miracles happen as they do in fiction? Will you trust me to write and never stop again, Teman?
 

The Mystery Genre As My Direction
Admittedly, I had not thought of that direction until I had a conversation with my brother.

“I like mysteries.” I said when asked what genre I enjoyed most. “Strange phenomena, be it the paranormal or human ingenuity, are always fascinating. But it’s really the deduction part that’s always the best. A good unpredictable one is what makes a good mystery. But, you know, these days I can hardly find any good ones where I’d be mind-blown.”

“So why aren’t you writing it? Why are you writing all these slice-of-life stories when you prefer mystery?” He actually reprimanded me, his sister who is more than a decade older.

I gave plenty of excuses. Oh, I do not have a BA in creative writing. And, hey, just because I can read a mystery, does not mean I can create one. It takes a genius to write a mystery. I am just not —

“There are plenty of online courses and writing books that can teach you! Plenty of mysteries to read and learn from too!” The truth always stabs hard.

I am definitely nothing compared to the famed writers of such a magnificent genre. They are extraordinary plot-masters, especially the women writers. I wonder if I can do it. But just thinking about it means nothing. So here I am now, boldly choosing to write my stories in the Mystery genre. Do you have faith in me, Teman?


Dear Teman, I am still in search of my true inner self. I am still finding my true voice. I am still a work in progress. I know things would not get any easier. After all, it takes a bit of eccentricity to live and identify oneself as a writer. Yet I have returned with the full intention of being the best writer for you. I am sorry again for leaving you in silence all these years. But Ana is back now. Please look forward to my writing journey and the mysteries I will publish for you.
Ana Asks
What say you, Teman? Will you forgive Ana for the years of silence? Share your thoughts below.
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— Summary: A series of arson were keeping the fire station on high alert. —


A nearby tree was engulfed in flames.

No second thoughts. She rushed out of the fire station with the extinguisher, ignoring the surprise gasp in the fire station. Just a small fire, she could handle it.

Pull pin, point hose and squeeze the lever.

Wait, there was no blazing heat.
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— Summary: She thought the new soap might clean him better. —


He slapped her so hard that her left ear buzzed sharply. But she didn’t try to run. Fueled by her stupidity, he grabbed her thin neck. He squeezed it hard enough to make her scratch his hands. He let go.

She fell to her side, coughing hard, gulping down air like a fish out of water. The soap he had thrown away was on the floor by the door.

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About Me

Ana Abdullah is a writer from Singapore. Ditinta is her personal literary blog. In this quaint little wonderland of words, Ana and her brilliant readers, Teman, share their love for the Mystery genre... Read More

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